TERMINATOR SALVATION director: McG; starring: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin

Back in 1984, James Cameron’s low budget sci-fi action film The Terminator seemed to be just about the coolest movie of its time. Borrowing heavily from two classic episodes of the television series The Outer Limits—“Soldier” and “Demon With a Glass Hand”— Terminator offered the mind-bending tale of a time-traveling killing machine (Arnold Schwarzenegger) sent from the future into the present to kill a woman whose son would lead a rebellion against the machines that overthrow mankind. Much like Ridley Scott’s 1979 film Alien, The Terminator kicked off a science fiction franchise that started out strong, hit its apex with the sequel (both Terminator 2 and Aliens were directed by Cameron), and then lost much of its energy—only with the Alien films, there were more sequels and spin-offs to measure the downward spiral. (more…)

STAR TREK – director: J. J. Abrams; starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana, Leonard Nimoy, Simon Pegg, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Anton Yelchin

My original review of the new Star Trek, director J. J. Abrams’ seemingly ill-advised attempt to relaunch a franchise that has become an integral part of world culture, consisted of only two words. Those words were “fuck” and “yeah.” Some people might question the validity of a review that simply said, “fuck yeah,” but that was the first coherent thought running through my head after the initial punch-you-in-the-face-to get-your-adrenaline-pumping opening sequence of Star Trek. Fuck yeah. (more…)

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE – director: Gavin Hood; starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston

There was a time in my life when I thought the Chuck Norris movie Missing in Action 2: The Beginning was a great film. Of course, that was back in 1985, when it first came out, and my cinematic tastes were far from fully developed. The reason I’m sharing this bit of information about myself is because I think it’s important to note that there was a time when I liked certain movies, simply because I didn’t know enough to realize that they kinda sucked. Which is why I feel confident in saying that there was a time when, in all likelihood, when I would have really liked X-Men Origins: Wolverine. But that time, for better or worse, has long since passed; meaning that years from now I will never have to look back and say, “Man, I can’t believe I actually thought Wolverine was good,” the same way I now look back at Missing in Action 2 and say, “What the fuck was I thinking?” That is, unless of course, I don’t look back years from now and suddenly see some sort of cinematic genius in X-Men Origins: Wolverine that now eludes me. It could happen; but honestly dear friends, I highly doubt it will. (more…)

SPECIAL – directors: Hal Haberman and Jeremy Passmore: starring: Michael Rapaport

George Romero’s 1977 film Martin remains one of the greatest vampire movies of all time. A brooding deconstruction of the genre and mythology of vampires, Martin raised the burning question of whether or not the title character was really a blood-thirsty monster, or just a very crazy young man. If in fact Martin (John Amplas) was a vampire, then the film stripped away all the magic and superstition surrounding the supernatural creatures, making them sad and mundane creatures that lead lives of lonely desperation. But if the antagonist in Romero’s film was not an 84 year old blood-sucker, then he was merely a disturbed kid who happened to be a serial killer. And while Romero himself has clearly stated his intention, the film is vague enough that it can be interpreted either way, which is what makes it genius. That same level of thought-provoking genre deconstruction can be found in co-writers and co-directors Hal Haberman and Jeremy Passmore’s Special. (more…)

WATCHMEN – director: Zack Snyder; starring: Jackie Earl Haley, Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Malin Ackerman, Matthew Goode

Sooner or later there was going to be a Watchmen movie. It was inevitable. Sure, a lot of people said it was unfilmable; but that wasn’t going to stop Hollywood. It was only a matter of time, and a matter of how bad the cinematic adaptation of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ classic twelve-issue comic book series was going to be. (more…)

WANTED – director: Timur Bekmambetov; starring: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman

For the record, just so there is no misunderstanding whatsoever, I don’t have a problem with over-the-top action films that deliver excessive violence while shortchanging the audience on anything that even resembles intelligence. In fact, I really like those movies, as evidenced by my fondness for the first Transporter, Shoot ‘Em Up and a whole host of other flicks that go heavy with the action, but exceptionally light on the brains. But even I have my limits, and have found myself throwing my hands up in frustration when something is simply too stupid. Yes, I know, these movies are supposed to be fun. But sometimes these movies aren’t fun. Sometimes they are painful experiences that fail to entertain, while managing to infuriate and rob you of the precious moments you spent watching this insipid bullshit. And that’s what Wanted is. (more…)

PRIVILEGE - director: Peter Watkins; starring: Paul Jones, Jean Shrimpton

It was quite by accident that I first “discovered” filmmaker Peter Watkins several years ago, when his 1971 film Punishment Park was released on DVD. Punishment Park was an amazing film, the likes of which I had never quite seen, and served as a wonderful introduction to the work of Watkins. As a lover of film, Watkins’ work inspired me. As a critic of film, however, Watkins’ work intimidated me. He is one of those rare directors whose work is so finely crafted, deftly layered and intellectually profound that it is difficult to do the films justice. It would be easy to proclaim, “the cinema of Peter Watkins is pure genius,” but without elaboration such a statement seems hollow and hyperbolic. (more…)

DEATH RACE – director: Paul W.S. Anderson; starring: Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, Joan Allen

The original Death Race 2000, produced by B-movie mogul Roger Corman and directed by Paul Bartel, was a brilliant bit of subversive schlock entertainment. An action-packed mix of pitch-black satire and dystopian science fiction, the film was set in the future, during a deadly cross-country race where drivers earn points for killing pedestrians. David Carradine starred as Frankenstein, the most popular driver in Death Race, and a covert agent in the rebellion determined to topple the totalitarian government. And though the film was a low-budget bit of exploitation cinema, thanks to its wicked sense of humor and scathing look at the media and society’s obsession with violence, it amounted to something more, eventually earning its place as a genuine cult classic. The same, however, cannot be said for Death Race, a re-imagining of the original film that assaults both intelligence and the senses with equal disregard, and seems destined to be nothing more than forgettable and bad. (more…)

SOUTHLAND TALES – director: Richard Kelly; starring: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar

Originally, I was not going to review Southland Tales. The reason was simple: Southland Tales is one of the worst movies I have seen in years—a film bereft of any entertainment value and a monumentally excruciating waste of time—and as such I didn’t want to give it anymore of my time by writing a review. But then I realized that if I didn’t at least come out and say how much I hated Southland Tales—even in an abbreviated review—then the time lost watching this rancid crap would be even more of a waste. (more…)

THE QUIET EARTH – director: Geoff Murphy; starring: Bruno Lawrence, Alison Routledge, Pete Smith

It is a tranquil summer morning in New Zealand when Zac Hobson (Bruno Lawrence) wakes to the start of a new day. Things are quiet as Zac begins his morning ritual—a bit too quiet. And as he ventures out into the world, he makes the startling discovery that there is no one else, anywhere. He scours the city and surrounding countryside, but there is not a trace of another human being. Cars are abandoned at the side of the road. In the heart of the city lies the burning wreck of an airplane, fallen from the sky, but without a single body to be found. As near as he can tell, Zac Hobson is the last man on the planet. (more…)